Certain things are so hilarious,
the tales that some friends tell.
Some you laugh and throw away,
Others you laugh and learn from.
A friend of mine shared a story with me during a long drive earlier today.
The story of an experience with a girl he has sworn to never forget.
“Mehn, this girl forced me!” he had repeatedly said, “She forced me. She kept on pestering me, cursed and called me a woman. She said I am not man enough and what even made me run for her is that, she said my thing is small. That there is nothing I can do inside a woman. She even added that I must be a homo. Mehn I fell for it. I wanted to teach her a lesson.
She kept asking what real man sees a cute babe who’s ready for him and he doesn’t act. She said such a man can only be a monkey .
That little tramp provoked me.
With a wounded ego, I invited the witch home.
I told her I would show her the mahogany in my pants, and that she will wish she never messed with me.
That night my brother, I got enough Viagra, mulondo, nuts, roasted coffee beans and even Rock Boom energy drink. When she came, I didn’t waste even one minute. I went in like a ninja, skin on skin mehn. She started behaving like she wanted to run away, but I held her down and said, ‘you started this game, now we’re going to finish it. After some hours, she left finally left. A weird smirk on her face. Whatever she meant with that, I didn’t know.
After all, she got to know that I was not just man enough, but worth enough.
But my guy, I thought I had taught her a lesson never to mess with me again. Hmm, instead she had taught me one, a hard one.
A week and a half later, sickness here, sickness there, sickness everywhere and before I knew it, nasty and painful bumps developed all over my body. My chest, face, back and even down there where the tiger rests.
My man, passing urine was like world war 10. I don’t even want to talk about it. I spent nearly 2 million shillings to treat myself. Injection after injection and at some point, I couldn’t even sit.
Now when a cute girl dares me, I just disappear like wind.
But if you see this babe eh, you won’t believe she has that kind of strong infection in her body. Mehn she looks so smooth eh.
If I could swear by the bible, I would simply make her two legs rot. She has a special place in hell and I will never forget her.
Goodness! That girl taught me a lesson that I will never forget. I still thank God that it was not HIV she gave me. From that time eh, I started believing the saying that ‘free things are never free’.
I didn’t say anything to him but inside, I was dieing with laughter as we cruised past Jinja City. Later when we reached our destination, I looked at him and told him before stepping out of the car,
“Next time a girl dares you, run. I repeat, run.”
Free things can humble you my brother. If you don’t spend directly, you will spend the money indirectly.”
Written by Eninu.
Read Also: The life of a whistle-blower